A Cosmic Insight
An insight into the System first came as a result of a prolonged intensive effort to understand the nature of
a business organization. The spiritual aspects of life were the farthest thing from my mind, or so it seemed at
the time. I was not a very religious or spiritual person in any traditional sense. While still in my late twenties I
was in a key management position and soon found myself a central figure in a political battle that followed a
company takeover and that ensued for several years. I had human resources at my disposal and as the
struggle became very intense, I undertook a detailed study of all formal communications in the entire
company, in an effort to show decisively that the system the new parent company wanted to impose wouldn’t
work.
During this period of intensive analysis, including self analysis, an intuitive insight gradually formulated
itself that had implications far beyond the organization of a company. This insight didn’t involve a logical or
linear process of cause and effect. It was a structurally cyclic process. It integrated what we think of as time
and space. I was very taken by the dynamics and implications of this intuitive pattern to experience
generally. It focused my attention in a new way and I began to see implications in the natural order of things.
It excited me with possibilities that I had never considered before.
I had just finished compiling a lengthy report on the formal and informal communications in the business
organization. I had been at it long hours for many months, along with the team that I had assigned to work on
it. After it was finally submitted I was exhausted and my mind was in a tumult, churning with new possibilities. I
felt on the brink of something immense.
One evening I came home from work feeling drained. I had done everything that I felt I could do and could
only wait to see if there would eventually be some response to the report. I entered my apartment where I
lived alone and immediately lay down on the sofa, my head on a cushion, my hands folded across my chest.
My eyes fell closed.
Almost at once the tension and turmoil of the preceding months fell away. I became aware of the inside of
my head, what I thought was my own mind. I thought this kind of awareness unusual. Can one be aware of
one’s own mind? Then who is aware? My focus wandered like a kind of independent perception through my
whole body. My attention fell to the rhythmic rise and fall of my breathing of its own accord. Then a strange
phenomenon occurred. Inside a rear corner of my head as I observed it, in or near where the right occipital
lobe of the brain is located, there was suddenly a tiny spark of light, little bigger than a pinprick. From it a
little shower of lights trickled across my mind as I conceived of it inside my head. It was like a miniature
fireworks that I simply observed. It was odd but it didn’t disturb me. My attention fell again to the rhythmic rise
and fall of my breathing.
Then a wondrous thing began to happen. It started ever so gently. I became aware of the form of my body
as I became more absorbed in the rhythmic rise and fall of my breathing. I made no effort to interfere. I had
no thoughts. My mind was empty. There was only a clarity of awareness of events that were taking their own
course. Then I became aware of a form to the form of my body. My breathing began to assume a vibrant
harmony between the two. I became an impartial witness to a vibrant harmony of breathing.
The harmony of breathing gradually enveloped my whole body with a wondrous feeling that filled every
fiber of my being, every nerve, every muscle, every cell. As it did the area of my chest seemed to open wide
and become alive. A vibrant golden light began to glow within my chest and it blossomed forth to fill my mind
and engulf my whole body in a field of golden light. I became a vibrant ecstasy of living golden energy. The
energy encapsulated me in an effulgent globe of inexpressible rapture. It filled my vision.
Then, in what seemed a most ordinary fashion, a mirror image of my face appeared before me in rich, full
color. It was just my head and face, looking impartially and intently at myself. The eyes of my mirror image
were looking directly into my own eyes as if they were open, as I lay there with my eyes closed. There was
nothing dream-like or trance-like about it. I was more fully aware than I had ever been. It was like looking into
a mirror of living gold. My face just quietly appeared, then faded in a moment leaving me immersed in a
formless ecstasy of living gold.
It was some time before I slowly sat up. As I opened my eyes, it was like having been asleep from birth,
living out some distorted dream, and then waking up for the very first time. The root of all anxiety was gone.
Everything was bathed in living light that worked in and through it, making it what it is. There was a
spontaneous awareness of every cell in my body that was far more than just awareness. Every cell in my
body was in organic union with the form to the form of my body. Every cell was in a state of ecstatic ongoing
orgasm that showed no sign of letting up. The walls of the room were cast in living light that seemed to fill the
air. I could see the vital energies teeming within the potted plant in the room. A sparrow landed on the railing
of my balcony, chirping and hopping along in a dance with the energies that bathed it. I could visually see
the tiny wheels of energy turning within its little head and breast and I implicitly felt a unity of appreciation for
its avian concerns.
It went on like this for several days, everywhere I went. It never left me for a moment. The energy
transformations of all living processes were illuminated and could be seen visually in meticulous transforming
details that were infinitely too complex to attempt analysis. The whole of physical existence was a transparent
projection cast upon a world of living light.
I called the next morning to say that I wouldn’t be into work, then the weekend came. My concerns at work
seemed futile and wasteful in this wondrous new world in which I now found myself. It was the same old world
but seen and experienced in a profoundly more meaningful and intelligent way. I was a living part of a living
whole that was pulsing and teeming with cascades of energy that were the very essence of life itself. The
whole world that I saw swarming in brilliant life giving patterns around me was also living in and through me. I
was in intimate personal contact with every living thing, every blade of grass, every tree, every leaf on every
tree, every dog, every cat, every bird, every human being, every creature under the light drenched heavens
above. Each night I drifted effortlessly off to sleep in blissful thankfulness. Each morning I awoke to another
adventure in ecstasy. I bathed in a world that was a living being of intelligent energy of immense complexity
and proportions.
Ecstatic though the experience was, it was at the same time mundane. It wasn’t like a euphoric fantasy
induced by some kind of wish fulfillment. There was a depth of reality and discovery in every perception. An
effortless balance and equanimity pervaded the rapture. I functioned completely normally, although
something of my condition must have been apparent and strange to others, if for no other reason than
nobody has the right to be so incredibly happy and at peace.
The emotional problems and attachments of total strangers could be seen visually as they passed on the
street. I could see their emotional energies generated within their body, then rising up through their cerebral
consciousness and projected out in a way that returned to them and generated endless cycles of the same
problem. Endless streams of living energy were churning painfully through them. They were locked in a
wheel of suffering that was self perpetuating, yet they were powerless to see it themselves. They were
powerless to do a thing about it. The sorrow of this was fully apparent but not in a way that disrupted the
equanimity of the experience. If I could have done anything to help I would have, but the streets were full of
people like this, some of them carrying terrible burdens. I had been through some difficult periods myself and
now those burdens were lifted from me completely. I did see people with clear minds and they seemed
constructive, but their numbers were very few.
I didn’t rationally understand what had happened to me. I had no preparation for it, no discipline of spiritual
practice of any formal kind, apart from growing up with an empathy for nature in a backwoods village. I had a
normal Christian upbringing as a young child, like everyone else in those days, but there was no hint in this
of the quality of experience that I now enjoyed. And I didn’t enjoy reading. I enjoyed fishing, swimming,
hockey and the outdoors. My only other passion was art, and other interests and demands submerged that
in my teens. I truly shunned reading. I had read little or nothing about such matters.
But I had heard or read briefly about the Hindu and Buddhist religions—hardly more than a few rumors in
1968. I had heard vaguely about enlightenment, although I had no idea that it could be like this. Had I
somehow lucked into an experience of enlightenment? Was this possibility open to anyone? I thought at the
time that that must be it. Whatever had happened, it didn’t seem to require analysis. It was impossible to
explain. It was impossible to articulate the living insight that flooded through me in a continual deluge.
As the days passed I began to wonder what I would do. I decided to resign from my job. My boss came to
see me early the following week and I told him of my intention. I could see that there was little hope that the
strife at work would subside of its own accord. So long as I stayed I would only help to perpetuate it. There
was no way to convey this sublime perspective to anyone. I couldn’t change the whole world. I was not a
messiah and I was far from perfect. To stay would be to perpetuate an exercise in frustration, like the tragic
legions I saw walking on the streets. I had some savings to tide me over for awhile and I had no dependents.
Still I wondered what I would do in this state that was both sublime and mundane, and at the same time so
foreign to everyone else in the world around me. For all the splendor and rapture of the experience it was
mute. It set me apart. I could see no way to translate it in a socially meaningful way that would be acceptable
to those around me. I was beyond the pale.
It was as I was sitting alone in my apartment one night, wondering what I would do, that the rapturous
experience of organic union came to an end. It just gradually faded away and as it did I had the feeling that
something was turning around backwards. The end was in fact the beginning of something new, another
side. I received a direct and unmistakable telepathic message. Twelve words.
“You have seen my face and now you will do my bidding.”
The words were deliberately articulated within my being in a way they could not be denied as a message
from someone other than my person. They were not like thoughts. They were explicit words that penetrated
my whole being. There was a severe intensity to them. They were startling.
At the beginning of the experience I had seen a mirror image of my own face, but this was not myself
talking to myself. What other face had I seen? What was this sudden invasion of what I regarded as my
privacy? Was my own mind not private? I did not reply aloud. I replied to the message in deliberately
formulated words in my mind. I instinctively had the ability to project them in similar telepathic fashion.
“I haven’t seen any face.”
Suddenly the walls of the room again became transparent but they were not filled with living light. There
was a transparent spatial depth extending indeterminately beyond the wall but it was not space as we know it
normally. It was a vast field of balanced energies. A face appeared directly in front of my eyes. My eyes were
wide open, every nerve alert. I was aware that something was backwards, the inverse of what it should be.
The face appeared after the message. I will never forget the exact words of the message as stated above. It
was in the past tense. Time was backwards. I was aware that something had turned around. Something had
become perceptually transposed.
The face was looking directly at me. It was three or four feet in front of me. It was ghost-like in appearance
with fuzzy edges, but it was more than a ghost. It was a real living being. It had an incredible presence that
extended indefinitely in a two dimensional plane, like an infinitely extended active interface of ordered energy
with the face in the center. It was the face, the head, the neck, and the shoulders, of a smallish aging man. It
had no color. I was aware of an intuitive connection between us. I was a part of it and it was a part of me.
The face implicitly embraced the whole of humanity, from the genesis of human history up to the present. It
was the genotype of the human species, a universal archetype associated with every human being who has
ever lived.
It was this being that I had been in union with over the preceding days. This being was the universal
archetypal form to the form of my body. This genotype of the human species subsumes and integrates all
organically living energy processes on the planet. Union with it was union with our natural heritage, with the
whole of life, and with every human being who has ever lived. Now I was seeing the other side. I was seeing it
face to face.
The depth of the face was incorporated into its presence through human suffering—incredible human
suffering. It was terribly scarred—almost mutilated—by tragic events that reached back countless thousands
of years. I could sense the events in general terms inherent in the energies of the field behind it, like
memories unable to rest. I could catch glimpses of them in the indeterminate distance, like looking
backwards from the present through the whole of human history. I could feel the depth of its immense
suffering. There was a particularly painful wound in its neck, a gash several inches long, that was still not
healed over. It was an event in recent times, a mass carnage of some sort, a major war. There were many
similar events that were written in the depth of its suffering and recorded in its face, reaching back to the
origins of history. It carried the burden of the whole of human history integrated into its being.
In spite of this social burden of mankind from its inception, the face embodied a will of absolute impartiality.
It must sustain the burden despite overwhelming odds against it. Suddenly I became intuitively and
graphically aware of the future that it knew it faced. Impending events in the near future are cataclysmic. I
could sense them viscerally and see inferences of them reflected in the face. They are staggering in their
proportions and consequences for the whole human race. This archetype of the whole of humanity may not
survive. In fact it appeared certain that it could not survive the way things are headed. The fate of all
humanity hangs in the balance. It was a fearsome realization—bowel wrenchingly fearsome. This impossible
dilemma imposed an extreme severity to the presence of the being, yet it was sustained with gargantuan
strength and depth. Its will was monumental.
As the face faded from view, I again replied to the being through deliberately formulated words in my mind.
I might have asked what bidding it had in mind, but I didn’t. I rejected the message completely.
“I don’t care who you are, it’s not right for anyone to impose their will on another.”
The response was automatic. I’d been fighting this very thing for several years. I made a hasty retreat into
another room, hoping it was over, but my feet were stopped in their tracks. Suddenly all organic feedback
from my emotional apparatus to my cerebral mental processes was suspended. My slate was wiped clean in
marked contrast to the living light that had filled me during the previous days. It was like I had stepped
outside of humanity, though I was still the same human being.
There was a clarity of perception into an indeterminate formless distance that could be seen right through
the walls of the room. The room lost its substantiality, becoming but a flimsy transparent veneer over a vast
and shining sea of mist.
A series of intuitive realizations came to me in an orderly sequence. They were intentionally fed to me from
a source other than my personal being. I was aware that they came from another source that was different
also from the tragic face of humanity. Organic feedback that normally fills one’s mental processes was
completely suspended. The ecstasy that I had enjoyed through the previous days and that was also organic
in nature was gone. These intuitions weren’t organic in nature at all. They were cosmic.
First there was a perception into the formless distance of unlimited possibilities. It was a recognition that
possibilities need not be confined in any way, that the range of possibility is unlimited. I seemed able to see
forever into the depths of the shining void. This was followed by a few examples, most of which I cannot find
words to describe. One of them, a little frightening in its implications, was the possibility of unlimited lifespan.
This brought with it a trace of anxiety about how to relate to an indefinite lifespan when our thoughts are so
conditioned to a brief lifetime of striving ending in death. But even this latter concern was an intuitive one
that was part of the series that was fed to me. My thoughts and emotions were being controlled. I was a
passive observer.
I took another step or two when the most disconcerting thing happened, though I didn’t feel it so at the
time. Everything vanished completely! The room, the city, the planet, the universe, even my own body, all
just vanished completely! There was no loss of a sense of identity, despite not being identified with a body. I
was still there but I was an empty I. I had no thoughts, no physical body, no perceptible body of any kind. I
was an integral part of the vast and shining sea of mist that contained no forms whatsoever. It was an
identity in emptiness with the whole of being. It was experienced with wonder, a pure sense of being and
wonder. There was no organic rapture, no heavenly bliss, no pain, no loss, no gain, no sorrow. Everything
was balanced in a field of pure being and wonder. It was like gazing into a silvery moonlit night without the
moon or stars, even while being an integral part of the emptiness. It was a vast Void with a limitless quality of
indeterminate depth.
In a moment everything returned again as a thin transparent veneer, but only for a moment. Then
everything was gone again. This happened several times in succession as if someone was switching the
entire universe on and off to deliberately show me something.
Next that someone appeared in the room directly in front of me, about eight feet away. But it was not part
of the world of material form, so that distance or magnitude had no real relevance. It was just suddenly there
all at once. It was an awesomely indescribable and supremely intelligent being. It was a being of pure living
energy, but not a being of light. It was round but not spherical. It had depth within its being but not as a
physical spatial dimension. It was about two meters or so in diameter, both with form and without, both with
color and without, constantly transforming within itself, yet staying the same.
There were multitudinous tiers of intelligent transformations going on within it, energies and colors
transforming and changing in an infinite complexity of shifting patterns that were all meticulously integrated
into the unspeakable dynamism of its being. I could see into them even as they transformed and changed. It
had a million eyes and ears, so to speak, a million living brains transmuting into one another, all of them
inter-dependent with one another and with the whole of its being. A million or a billion or a gillion, it is utterly
impossible to describe. It was filled with a splendor and magnificence beyond all reproach. It was suddenly
just hovering there in the room, immaculately ordered and harmonized unto itself, seeing and knowing all,
yet perfectly balanced and impartial.
It could change its texture at will and communicate through emanations of energy that came like a shower
of rain from every part of its being. After its initial balanced appearance, it began to emanate friendliness
toward me, just like meeting a new and genuine friend only much more so. There was no doubting the
flawless quality of friendship it projected. It changed its texture again, this time to mercy. Unrestrained mercy
came streaming from it in an unqualified torrent of magnanimity. It changed again to compassion, unlimited
compassion with the purest of heart. Then came an absolute deluge of infinite love with a warmth and depth
exceeding anything that we know in human experience. Unblemished love came gushing freely from the
bottomless wellspring of its entire being without the least expectation in return. There was not the slightest
stain in the immaculate quality of its entire being.
None of this came from me. Nothing of this was generated from within me or from within my physical body.
It was not a product of my mind. It was infinitely beyond the powers of the wildest imagination. The Void was
pure mind and it embraced the whole of existence. This incredible being was the universal center of the
Void. It was the Master of the Void and the whole of experience. It was the embodiment of universal values. It
transcended the whole of space and time, the whole of the history of the entire universe. It had no origin in
the universe. It was the living source of the universe. It was a manifestation of God, supreme above all. I
could only share in this common realization transcending creation.
I stood there dumbfounded, gazing into the face of this incredible Being that encompassed all being. I had
no thoughts, no feelings apart from awe and wonder. It was impossible to rationalize anything in the face of
this Being, impossible even to think that one could not rationalize. Rejection of the Being was impossible,
unthinkable. I was an empty I, a mute and passive observer to what was happening out there, objectively in
front of me. I saw with my eyes, just as I would look at a tree, or a mountain, or another person, and yet what
I saw transcended the whole of physical existence. I felt no friendliness, no mercy, no compassion, no love
generated within me. These feelings rained from the Being out there in front of me in response to its own
free will. They entered my presence from without as I stood there in dumbstruck wonder. And there was
nothing in them that either sanctioned any flaws in my character or passed any absolute judgment upon me.
This infinite Being was simply prepared to make me the gift of a revelatory insight into the whole creative
process. In retrospect I can only suppose that this was in response to the intensive quest I had been on for
years. In any case a revelation is what followed.
As I gazed in utter amazement at this Being, it became balanced again, just hovering as if it was
considering something. Then it began to spin its wheels in meaningless activity that induced a similar minor
activity in my chest. This was like a kind of assessment, perhaps an assessment of whether I could handle
what was to follow, and perhaps an indication of what I should not attempt to do. It exposed involuted
tendencies to identify with oneself and I observed them impartially. It paused again for a moment, then
increased the intensity of its living texture, became slightly smaller, and moved up and away a little bit. It
became pure creative energy, a dynamo of every manner of creativity. It was unimaginably powerful,
absolutely without equal. Then it changed to a complete independence of everything, an unthinkable
freedom beyond all conceptions. It transcended the whole of creation, the whole universe, the whole of
history, the whole of space and time.
It paused once more as if considering something. Then in its very center there was a tiny blip of light. From
it came a transmission, like a bullet of energy that came speeding straight to me across the space between
us. This brought a momentary self awareness, as if a light came on within me and dissipated as quickly. It
was followed immediately by a sweep out into the Void. The world faded from view, just vanished completely
as before. I remained aware of a body of some kind, although I wasn’t looking to check on my physical parts.
The Being was still with me. It had the ability to dispense with the whole of creation, then either create
another reality, or transpose me to another place to provide a view of the same reality from an amazingly
different perspective from outer space, all this in the blink of an eye.
A thin wand of energy suddenly extended an endless distance out from the center of the Being, like a
projection of its will. It swept quickly in a vast arc through the void. As it did, a universe of stars appeared in a
great spiral galaxy. I had been transported to intergalactic space. The Void had changed its texture and lost
much of its silvery appearance. It looked like a night sky, but now I was suspended many thousands of light
years out in space gasping in awe and amazement at the profusion of stars cast in a great spiral swirl, with
the Being beside me. It all happened quickly as if we were transported at great speed. The galaxy was seen
from an angular perspective complete with the feeling of being actually suspended many thousands of light
years out in space viewing the galaxy from beyond its extremities. My utter astonishment at the spectacle
filled my whole being as if I was at one pole of the phenomenon and the whole galaxy at the other.
Just as magically as it had disappeared, the transparent veil of the room returned. I was standing as
before, although I had somehow made a partial turn to the left. The Being was still in my field of vision to my
right, hovering there like a living dynamo that could work any miracle it wished.
Then the room vanished again as two titanic power masses became suspended in the void. They were a
bifurcation of the energies of the Void. They were facing one another, one on top, with an interface that
curved upward, like part of a huge sphere, and one on the bottom with an identical interface that curved
downward. Both interfaces were extended indefinitely—infinitely—being open in opposite directions, as if an
unimaginably enormous sphere of energy had been ripped in two, and the top half placed underneath the
bottom half.
Together these two hemispheres had to do with the nature of wholeness. They represented a Rift in
Wholeness. On the inside of both of them were dark dangerous looking energies. They were striving for
release against the inside surface of each hemisphere as if they were trying to rejoin the energies of the
other hemisphere. They looked like writhing serpents of energy seething with raw power, concentrated
against each interface and placing them under great strain to contain themselves. These energies were
enormous. They were also complex in the trails that they made within each hemisphere. Since each
hemisphere was infinite in the opposite direction, the only way the energies could try to rejoin their other half
was to struggle against the interfaces that separated them. It was a rift in the energies of the universe, a
juxtaposition of Self and Other than Self across their interfaces, and yet the whole consisted of both parts.
One part was transposed with respect to the other. One part was inside with respect to the other part
outside, and vice versa. Yet they were one whole. They represented the energies of the entire universe.
They were presented this way to convey that they did.
Separation and balance was maintained between these monstrous power masses by an exceedingly fine
thread of light, just a glistening hair stretched between their closest points. This lone gossamer of light was
the only avenue of communication across the gap that separated the hemispheres. It soon became apparent
that creative order in and to the entire universe depended on the maintenance of this extremely intricate
balance of energies. It was a dilemma of cosmic proportions. The energies of the physical universe were
suspended in balance with those of the heavens by a hair. A filmy strand of light was all that stood between
the inside and the outside of everything. These enormous energies that are both open and closed must be
independently contained, yet mutually balanced to the most minute degree. All of creation derived from it
and depended upon it. The creative process depended on this balance to re-unite the hemispheres and
preserve universal wholeness.
No sooner was this recognized than these huge masses of sheer power began to tremble and quake on
the verge of horrendous instability. The entire universe was suddenly in jeopardy, facing arrant destruction if
the balance of energies could not be maintained. Filled with terror at the unthinkable consequences that this
instability implied, the desperate thought came to me that there was some personal responsibility for
maintaining the balance. But the energies were infinitely beyond the capacity of one human mind to control.
Gripped helplessly by the horrific consequences that were about to occur, there was an eruption in my
body that began in the lower part of my abdomen. Irregular uncontrollable energies came cascading up
through my body into my head, where they were transformed into an extreme transverse tension that was
not confined to my head or my brain. My presence extended into the Void. My conscious mind was being
ripped open, stretched far beyond its limits in an impossible effort to hold both poles of the tension. It was as
if an aspect of the tension between the two hemispheres was transposed to an extreme bilateral polarization
of the hemispheres of my brain and my mind. My mind was wrenched open far beyond the confines of my
physical body. I was struggling helplessly to restrain the tension that seemed about to tear me limb from limb.
The horrendous hemispheres continued to quake on the verge of flying to pieces, while the Being hovered
beside me looking passively on, seeing and knowing all. Then when it seemed that all was lost it intervened.
As I turned toward it, the Being increased its intensity and moved up a little more. It became unlimited
universal powerconscious power that could be constrained by no obstacle whatsoever, exceeding all of the
forces of the universe combined. Then it began to increase its power continuously, becoming smaller and
much brighter as it moved up and away on a steep incline, a little to the right. There was nothing remotely
conceivable to challenge its supremacy, not in the entire universe, nor in any realm beyond. Size distance
and magnitude lost relevance to the world of form. The hemispheres were suddenly gone.
As its intensity and power reached extreme proportions, the Being began to consume the Void. It
transcended all creation including the Void, and it began collecting the energies of the Void unto itself. The
Void in the vicinity all around the Being began flying into it to be devoured in the intensity of its dynamism,
revealing a pitch black emptiness beyond. The Being became an absolute center of very bright, intensely
active energy in an absolute periphery of pitch black emptiness, as more and more of the Void was being
consumed. The energies of the Void were returning to their source. Invisible rays of its omnipotent will
radiated from it, polarizing the Void in all directions, as the Being enacted the awesome spectacle. I could
sense the rays penetrating everywhere, penetrating through me. Its will permeated the entire Void. There
was no power to exceed its power, no will to exceed its will. All was created from the interplay of its active
center of living energy and its passive periphery of darkness. It embraced the whole Void and more. It was
One and Supreme beyond all conceptions.
It was thus apparent that the Void embraced the whole of experience, not only the universe and everything
in it, but everything that has ever been. It embraced the whole of history. The energies of the Void are
quantized and ordered through episodes of experience. The whole of experience is integrated via the Void,
good or bad, right or wrong, true or false. The Void itself is amoral. It is a repository of all experience. All
experience consists of energies balanced through commitment to experience. The Void is a master
sensorium from which everything draws upon to sustain itself. The Void is an eternal empty side to the world
of form and to the totality of experience.
Now this Absolute Being, Almighty God, was bringing everything to its ultimate consummation, to a final
end, before a witness that faced the same annihilation. It was a realization that transcended the whole of
space and time, the whole of creation. The whole Void became polarized by the Being’s will, being drawn
inexorably toward it. I was one particular human being facing the source and consummation of all.
Yet I was staying where I was, my eyes glued to the terrifying spectacle of great tongues of the Void flying
into the Almighty Being. The transverse tension in my mind that began with the hemispheres became
unbearably immense. The awe of the spectacle polarized my being, bringing with it a tunnel-like opening in
the energies of the Void within me, from my eyes that witnessed the incredible scene of God consuming the
Void down through my body and beyond. I had an internal visual perception of the event with my eyes still
frozen on the Being. A bottomless well opened within me that had access into and through the energies of
the Void. The tunnel-like well was black, empty and bottomless, created by the extreme polarity between
myself and the Being. More and more of the Void around the Being was still being consumed, and yet it did
not complete the awesome spectacle.
Somehow I gathered the will to turn away from the Being in an act of utter desperation to stave off the
destruction of the universe. I held my arms out in a gesture to stop it, as if I could defy the omnipotent will of
God and succeed. Any concern for Self was overwhelmed by my concern for the universe, for Other than
Self. It was a manifestation of mending the Rift in Wholeness.
Although the Being was behind me now, I still had a perception of it, as if I had eyes in the back of my
head. I could still see it in the same relative position behind an interface that was aligned across my body
and identified with my person. It was an active interface across the mid-coronal plane of my body. Another
perceptual transposition had occurred when I had turned around. Now there was another transmission from
the center of the Being, another bullet of energy that came speeding across the inner space behind me to
impinge through the back of my head. This time a tunnel-like hole opened in front of me down into the Void,
like looking into another bottomless well that had access into and through the energies of the Void. There
was again a powerful polarization throughout my body as I saw a very rapid zigzag streak of light projected
down inside the tunnel to inscribe what appeared to be an irregular six-pointed figure that vanished as
quickly as it was formed.
Almost simultaneously, there was a wheel of energy a few feet to my right, stationary, but churning over
with the momentum of a speeding train. These energies were derived from the Void, born from the Void and
returning again to the Void, to depict cycles of birth and death turning over like a flywheel aligned vertically
beside me. It was about three meters or so in diameter so that I could see what was happening within the
wheel in living color. Faces and fragments of human bodies were being mangled by the emotional energies
they embodied, churning themselves over and over in repeated cycles of birth and death. They were being
horribly mangled by their own emotional identifications and doing it again and again with gleaming grinning
faces. Horrors devouring horrors with indulgent delight! Some of the faces I recognized and could relate the
process of emotional identification to some aspects of their personalities.
I managed to take a couple more steps when my feet stopped again. From a point in one side of my back a
dark abstraction of quantized energy began to rise like a vapor through my body and into my head. I had an
internal visual perception of the event, as if an invisible finger from the Being behind me had touched a tiny
spot in my back to release associated energy from the Void. My body was transparent. As the energy flowed
up through my neck into the center of my head it became very bright and intense, then it went streaming out
through my eyes as they watched on in sheer disbelief. This quantity of energy was ordered within itself, like
a living bundle of experience. As it streamed out twelve or fifteen feet into my visual field it became a
structured pattern of transforming energies a few feet in diameter. It was a visible idea, a memory derived
from experience and replicated in brilliant color.
But the idea was not depicted as a normal sequence of events through space and time. There were
several two dimensional active interfaces juxtaposed to one another in various configurations of inside to
outside. Dynamic energy transformations were working through them and linking them up as the
configuration of the active interfaces went through a sequence of perceptual transpositions of inside to
outside with respect to one another. There were virtual three dimensional virtual images projected in vivid
color between some of the interfaces as they rapidly transformed through a sequence to demonstrate the
idea and how it worked. Then the energies just vanished in the Void. No sooner was one gone than another
abstraction of quantized energy began to rise from another point in my body up into my head in the same
manner, then intensely out through my eyes to project a different idea in a similar way. This happened a
number of times in succession. It demonstrated a method of delineating how the creative process works.
The ideas were each recognized from memory, but they had no particular significance other than to
demonstrate a principle and a pattern associated with the process of memory and recall. For instance, when
I was taking geometry back in high school, I had been very puzzled about why it is impossible to trisect an
angle using only a ruler and compass. I had spent many hours trying various ways to do it without success.
One of the ideas was about this problem. The way the energies and interfaces and images unfolded it was
obvious why it was impossible to do it. I could visually see the whole problem laid out before me, and I
understood it before it vanished like the others into the Void.
But the message was not about geometry or any other specific subject. It was about how experience itself
is organized, how memories are structured energies that are quantized as discrete bundles through
episodes of experience that become an integral part of the Void. The Void is a master memory bank for the
whole of experience, and yet personal memories are keyed to the individual’s body, the body itself being an
ordered integration of energies of the Void. Not all memories are personal however, and the recall process
can vastly outreach personal experience, as I was soon to discover. Throughout all of this the room was like
a transparent veil that faded out depending on the intensity of events, sometimes there around the
peripheral vision, but often vanishing completely.
Suddenly there appeared in the Void a city of light in brilliant color. It was suspended in the Void in such a
way that the underside of the city along its nearest edge was at first visible, and there were dark tendrils of
energy reaching down into the Void, like roots from which it drew its sustenance. The city was recreated from
the energies of the Void, its variety selected and assimilated at will by the Being behind me.
Then my perspective rose to provide a clear view across the city and down into the streets on the nearest
side below me. It was a beautiful city, immaculately clean, with cobblestone streets and mostly masonry-type
buildings in a variety of pastel shades, none of which were over a few stories high. There were both peaked
and flat roofs, an old English style house on a corner, domed structures, and varied shaped buildings
extending over quite an area, but it was not modern or as large as many cities are today. It tended to have a
Mediterranean character, sort of like a New Jerusalem, although it had no specific resemblance to
Jerusalem, and no churches, temples or mosques were noticed. It was brilliantly illuminated in a rich mosaic
of colors, with no people or vehicles apparent. The city appeared to be empty.
While I looked on, amazed at the splendor of the view from my vantage point above the city, dark
abstractions of energy began to rise through my body as before. This time they originated from the Void
beneath and slightly behind the transparency of my body, the energies being stronger than before. They
were not from memories that I recognized and they were not keyed to my body. They came from beyond me,
although they were subjective to or slightly behind the active interface associated with the mid-coronal plane
through my transparent body. As they rose up into my head to be projected out through my eyes, the
intensity was severe, accompanied each time by an inversion of emotional energy as they left me, like a
minor death that exhausted the commitment that I invested in them as they went on their way. The ideas
went streaming out through my eyes as if propelled by the powerful tension in my mind, only this time they
went flying down into the city. This happened a number of times in succession, each idea impelled by
powerful intention. This time the ideas couldn’t be specifically recognized. They were being used in the
completion of the city.
Then other ideas began flying down into the city from different points in the Void, as if they were being
fired from invisible canons, although they must have been coming from unknown people. The city was an
eternal creative undertaking that was still incomplete and unpopulated, another reality selected from suitable
contributions to the familiar one that we know. It was a gathering of creative energies from diverse places
and people, all being integrated from experience into the completion of the city. There was still a sense of
terror associated with what was happening beyond my control, but also amazement, tension, awe, and
wonder all at once. There was no opportunity to reflect or think. I marveled at it. The timing of everything was
regular and ordered, with no energy wasted in between.
The city gave way to a magnificent landscape and my perspective rose as to the top of a mountain. Like
the city, it too was brilliantly illuminated in vivid color. It extended objectively out to a distant horizon as far as
I could see. Its contrasts were splendid, with very high wooded hills in the distance, a river flowing along the
base of a high precipice, with ravines and areas of semi-desert to one side in the foreground. The ideas
stopped streaming from my eyes as my body went unnoticed, but they started flying from various points in
the Void above it, down into the landscape, completing it and filling it out. A world of light was being gathered
and integrated through real commitments actually made, their energies preserved for recall in the timeless
Void.
The room returned, with time for another couple of desperate steps, but there was no escape. I became
aware of acquiring a degree of active discretion in the phenomena that were occurring and otherwise
beyond my control. The transverse tension in my mind was still severe together with a good deal of terror at
the prospects of what was going on.
A series of thoughts on various subjects began to come to me as if I had discretionary access to them. My
will seemed able to reach beyond the confines of my body into the surrounding Void of quantized energies.
The energies were not seen as dark abstractions as they moved from the Void as before, but were much
more refined, hardly visible until they were drawn toward me as an act of will that gave me discretionary
access to them. Now I was drawing the energies of the Void unto myself, although on a much smaller and
more refined scale than the Being had done in consuming the Void. Nevertheless I had a visible perception
of these energies that were drawn toward me from diffuse areas of the Void extending outward an
indeterminate distance around the body.
As these energies infused my body they transformed my consciousness. There was a coalescence of my
emotional and cerebral processes as my perceptions exploded into a burst of intense white light in which
absolutely everything relative to each thought was spontaneously known. There was an historic integration
of everything associated with every thought or question that I focused upon. It was all there at once in a
burst of white light that was extended as a field of vision in front of me while also being subjectively filled with
white light. Although there were no explicit forms or activity visible in the field of light, it was teeming with fully
integrated content all relating to the thought or question involved. All associated meaning was seen and felt
and known unequivocally. I was aware of the process as historic integration.
As I read later, this was similar to how some Zen writers have described a satori or kensho experience. The
only problem was that I couldn’t stop them from coming. Every question that came to me accessed energies
from the Void that infused me, bringing another burst of white light in which everything relevant to the
question or thought was spontaneously known. Again and again and again it happened, many times in
succession. My thoughts turned to science. A new series of insights into space, time, relativity, was there in
burst after burst of white light. And so on, to the evolution and the integration of experience generally. The
process by which these insights came was itself transparent. I could see my discretionary access to the
quantized energies from the Void, followed by the coalescence of emotional and cerebral processes
resulting in the burst of a field of light that both filled me within and the visual field out there, an
indeterminate distance in front of me.
But then my thoughts turned to the System by which it all worked, to the Cosmic Order that both
determined and integrated the whole of experience, followed by burst after burst after burst of white light.
There seemed no limit to what I could know and these insights themselves transcended the whole of
creation, the whole of space and time, infinitely beyond the puny confines of my organic birth or my death.
But there it all was, integrated in burst after burst in my mind.
That bottomless well that had been opened down into the energies of the Void within me gave me
incredible access. The transverse tension in my mind again became extreme as the questions turned to the
Cosmic Order. The more I had access the greater the bilateral tension in my mind, and the greater the
tension, the more I had access, in cycles expanding insight to infinite proportions. There was no limit to what
I could know. It was total omniscience, but this became a horror to match the consummation of the universe.
How could anyone live like this, with unlimited access to the whole of experience?
All of this too was orchestrated by the Being behind me, who suddenly brought it to an end. He suddenly
just seemed to drop me, so far as controlling my experience was concerned. As He did, a jungle of energies
came crashing in from the Void to inundate my usual thought processes. They were the energies of the
normal social milieu in which I was obliged to function. I could see them come swarming in, coarse and
confused and oppressive. Uncontrollable energies began coursing through my body in ragged patterns. I
was gripped with the thought that complete madness must have seized my mind. But if that was true, how
could everything make such complete sense? Even a belief in madness was madness.
And I still had access to the energies of the Void. The well within me deepened, with the transverse tension
in my mind unbearably immense. Again and again the tension would build to extremes too impossible to hold,
then break, with the whole of phenomenal existence slipping away in a vortex. Then I would capture the
tension again, holding on until it broke again, everything spinning away in waves of nausea, then I would
capture it again.
I needed words to hold the tension. I needed language to make some sense of it. I had to bridge the two
hemispheres, establish some contact between them, however flimsy. The experience was mute and I needed
words to give it rational meaning. I had to find words, and words did come.
“Everything is, and it is not, it both is and is not, and it neither is nor is not.”
Although it may seem like nonsense to the uninitiated, this was the only thread of common sense that I
could find. I kept repeating it over and over. For the next few hours it was very important. I found out several
years later that this was an ancient quadrilemma in Hindu philosophy, with Jain and Buddhist versions as well.
It was three months before reluctantly deciding to return to work. The report had stalled the political battle.
There are no words to really describe the experience or the effect that it had. Only a distorted glimpse can
be given, and the wisdom of giving it is questionable.
The workings of the mind and of the universe had been revealed, but in a way that brought everything that
is normally accepted into question. It resolved nothing yet offered unlimited promise. It begged to be given
expression, yet language was hopelessly inadequate. I began to search the literature for others who may
have had similar experiences but found precious little. There had to be a way of communicating the System
and in the end I was obliged to turn back to the experience that revealed it. Other experiences came of their
own accord, many over the succeeding years, all of them awesome, involving the Void. Nearly all of them
were relevant to the task of delineating and communicating the System. A few of them were very personal.
They were never capricious, yet none of them were so complex or intense as the first. Nor were they
traumatic.
Although these cosmic experiences were of a spiritual nature they were explicitly orchestrated to
communicate how the cosmic order works and they explicitly related to our sciences. The intension behind
them was not my personal salvation. They were not religious in this regard. It is true that a few experiences
were of a personal nature, but these came later, after the bulk of the work was done.
| A Cosmic Insight Mostly from Chapter 4 of Fisherman’s Guide. |
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